Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Too many tears

Well, it would seem that my relationship is drawing to a close. I was off work yesterday due to doctors appointments.

I had spent most of last week arguing with my partner, and all of Monday not speaking. We talked yesterday, spent ages on the phone talking about our relationship. We came to the conclusion that we have nothing in common anymore, we are always fighting and we never do anything together. It was decided that we would take a couple of days to think about things and see where we're both at by Friday. I cant see us staying together but I suppose it may happen. I cried while I was on the phone, I cried for about 40 minutes. Letting the tears fall down my face. I spent the night at my friends again.

I've shed far too many tears over that man. He's been a part of my life for so long that being without him, even the thought of being without him leaves me feeling like half a person. I feel empty and alone. Thats not to say I am alone. I have a constant stream of people telling me "Being single is great!", "Its not so bad" .... The thing is, what if it is so bad? What if I end up going my whole life without ever managing to keep a relationship together? What if I keep failing at love, what if it gives up on me .... Again??

See these are the questions that I ask myself. I dont know anymore if its because I'm scared of being alone forever that I want to be with him. That I feel compelled to make him stay with me, even when its clear we aren't happy. We haven't been happy in a long time, we're miserable him and I. I love him and at the same time I hate him so much for making me this - half woman. This thing that is only half the person I used to be.

Maybe it is time to say its finally over .... Just maybe.

Monday, 21 February 2011

Matte Nail Polish

I forgot to mention I have now got a lovely matte nail polish!

Its a deep blue that appears purple in the bottle. Bought from Avon for the bargain price of £3, I decided to give it a shot last night. I prepped my nails, getting the shape just right and applying a base coat. The colour went on a little uneven on the first nail, but after that it was smooth, even and perfect.

Heres a piccie of my efforts. I did smudge onto the skin just a little, but it was a little dark in my room when I started.

I'm so in love with this polish at the minute, shame it chipped away while I was in the bath ... No matter, I'll do it again and again and again :D

Finally over the weekend

Its Monday morning and I'm finally over my hangover! Only taken 3 days but I'm over it at long last.

The weekend proved to be one of interest, I saw Katie Price on Lets Dance for Comic Relief dressed as a man dressed as a woman ... Thats right, dancing "I've got to break free". It was amazing!!

I've found out that I can't eat anything that I like anymore. Caffeine makes me dizzy and lightheaded, chocolate hurts my teeth and foods with a high fat content gives me terrible belly ache. Its a wonderful life I tell you.

The good news is that my new camera takes brilliant pictures. I was using it on Friday and, after I figured out how to use it properly, it was fabulous!

Right, off to do some work now.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Saturday Afternoon and recovering

Its Saturday afternoon .... Last night well (eventually). I was so excited all day about going out, I spent ages getting ready and dressed up to be told when I arrived that I didn't look old enough! I'm 22!!!

However, I eventually managed to get in. Went home to retrieve my ID, quickly got changed and returned to the bar where my friends were waiting.


Just a couple of pictures from last night

Friday, 18 February 2011

Its Friday!

Yes its Friday!!! I love Fridays's.

Tonight I'm going out with my bestest girlfriend for a few drinks. I haven't posted for a few days I know, I've been a bit absent, as I have been staying with my mate. There until Sunday and she doesn't have the internet.

Tonight I will be dressed expressly in an 80's fashion complete with big hair! I will take pictures and post tomorrow.

In the meantime though .... Love Friday, its the only day that signifies the beginning and the end of something - the beginning of the weekend and the end of the week!! Woo!!

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Back and feeling good!

Well I'm back to my good old self again today! My same old fashionista self woo!





So heres whats gone on today!

I wanted to wear something today that was a little edgy and a bit punky. Starting with the hair, I worked it into a faux hawk (sadly on my way to work the hair fell so now its more a 'rock quiff'). A loose fitted tank top with harem pants and heeled military boots make up my outfit, and a blazer with it.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

A truly rubbish start to the week

Yesterday was Valentines as most of you will know. For me it began in the worst possible way! I will start by saying that I love my cats - they are my little friends who are affectionate and loving. However, on Sunday night, they decided to use my bath as a toilet. Now because I was running late, I didn't have time to clean it up in order to have my shower. I had 10 minutes to get ready .... Faced with this dilemma, I threw on the first thing that came to hand out my wardrobe and ran downstairs to grab my shoes. They were nowhere to be found! So I ended up looking my least attractive yesterday in clothes that didn't fit quite right.

Considering that it was valentines and that I had no money, I decided to make my partner a card. The second I finished constructing it he tells me he doesn't have any money and that I shouldn't come to see him. Well I cried. I was so upset that on the most romantic day of the year he doesn't want to see me.

This morning I told him that we shouldn't see each other this week and that I didn't want to speak to him just now either. This way if he calls me then its because he wants to, not because he feels he has to. If he does something nice its truly because he wants to do nice things not because he feels like he should. I dont think he will want to see or speak to me or do anything nice, if he does I'll eat my hat.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Something of a let down.

Well, I had hoped that last night I would have been able to spend a nice evening in with my partner. Sadly I was not to be so lucky. I ended up being awake until 3am and then woke this morning at about 9:30. Not so great if I may say so.

The good news is that the boots went back last night and I managed to get a credit note for the store. Now I have an awesome new bag and some fun new trousers. Heavens only knows what I will wear them with but I'm sure I'll find something.

For the minute I should go. He will be awake soon and is going to want his computer back.

Friday, 11 February 2011

Its Friday and we know what that means!


Its Friday! That means I get to wear what I like today. It means that getting ready takes even longer as I try desperately to find the clothes that fit and are neat and clean. Today I gave up looking for neat and settled in stead for clean at least.
 Today I went chose to wear something that emulates the girl I was 5 years ago. When I wore baggy jeans and loose fitting shirts with band logos on them.
 As you can see, today I am in bootcut jeans and an old Iron Maiden shirt (that has a hole in the back). I threw on a cardi over the top because its a little nippy in our office sometimes and I like to be warm ... Plus it hides the hole in my shirt.
I love this shirt. I bought it for 50p years ago on a market and have had it since.

Whilst I dont have a picture of them, I also wore my fave converse today. Fearne Cotton design leopard print cons with red laces. Of the 4 pairs I own, they are the ones I love the most and wear the least because I dont want them to die as fast as my regular ones did.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Its so close to Friday

This morning I got out of bed and my initial thought was "ooh its lovely and toasty in here". After this though, I was faced with the dilemma of geting dressed.

This is what I came up with. 
 Well, today I decided on wearing some small heels rather than flat shoes or ankle boots.
 Trousers today, I've had dresses on for 2 days with flat shoes and I felt a much needed break was required from tights and leggings. So today I have my most faithful pair of high waisted black trousers, a nice clean white shirt and a blue waterfall cardigan. Its been rather cold the last couple of days so the cardi was necessary.
As it is probably quite clear now, this is my coat for the season. My mac! I bought this coat for £1 in a local charity shop. Now I dig it out in spring as its perfect for the season. This year I've taken to leaving the top button open and wearing a broad black belt over the top.

I think this weekend I'm going to photograph things that I think look good. I dont know think many people will let me take pictures of them though. Oh well, I'm sure I can get some interesting photo's somewhere!

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

An awful lunch

Well I've just had the most awful soup for my dinner, carrot and coriander. Blergh never again. Although in saying that, I did have a nice yogurt and a low fat snack with it. A healthy lunch even if it was awful lol. I must say though, I do like a nice soup for my lunch.
 So, here is todays lunch ^


And here is todays outfit. A blue paisley dress with a denim waistcoat. I have black boots on that have stud chains around the ankles and thick black tights.

Aside from the fiasco with lunch, today has been an alright day. I wasn't pestered by my cats too much this morning which was nice, and I've been able to speak with my partner a little as well.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

blog from my phone

Well since my phone is positively brilliant and can do everything, it would seem that it also allows me to blog from it!

Today is a sad day for me. The boots I bought last week, are to go back to the shop. The heel  has started to come apart from the shoe. have only worn them twice almost cried! fortunately I should be able to return them for a full refund. I will get a picture before I take them back.

Todays outfit

This is me!!! And my new phone there in my hand. I have a couple more pix below

So here is todays outfit, I love this dress! I feel it looks nice just as it is or with jeans on for a more laid back look.

Monday, 7 February 2011

A long hard day

Today has been a long day. I have been up since about 7am .... I got my new phone! Wooo its lovely having a camera and a new phone.

Today I had the day off work, a sad day for my partner as he was at his granddads funeral.

I don't have much to blog about today, not much of anything today.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Sunday night and painting my nails

Well its Sunday night. The love of my life has just left to go home for the night.

I went to stay with him last night, we had a big pizza for tea and I got to drink caffeine free diet coke (I'm off caffeine for a while). Any way, my mum decided to invite him over to ours for stew and dumplings ... yum yum. So, we had an early-ish night, bed about midnight/one am, and woke up bright and early. I made the decision to go home before he came round so I could get the place cleaned up a little.

We had a lovely dinner now he's gone home :'-(  ..... Good part about him having gone home is that I have now finished cleaning and am halfway through painting my nails. Black Onyx OPI polish, its my fave!!

Oh its soo nearly Monday! Cant wait to get my new phone!!! BB Torch hehe cant wait.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Saturday Morning

Its Saturday morning and I have my computer back after lending it to my partner for over a week. I cant say as that I'm overly impressed because he has installed a bunch of stuff I don't need and then not removed it. Oh well, guess that its a good job I know how to do it myself.

Today will be all about music and cleaning. I have desperately got to get some new music on my ipod, all mine is starting to bore me a little, and I also have to desperately clean my room. It saddens me that I have nothing better to do today :'-(

Today I don't think I'll bother getting dressed, I have no real need to as I'm going to be cleaning so I need to be comfortable. Right off to go do my downloading

New Phone!!!

Well, today is shaping up to be as dreary as the weather led me to believe. Only one thing has made this day better so far .... I'm getting a new phone! I have just ordered myself a blackberry torch. I can't wait. It should be here next Monday, setting me up with a whole new contract .... Shame that I'd just bought a lovely new cover for it. Oh well, the point is that in just a few days I'll have a brand spanking shining new phone. With extended battery life, gorgeous clean screen free of scratches woohoo, this fact is keeping me going til Monday evening.

Today, I am giving my new boots their second outing. Today with my super skinny skinny jeans, a black tank top and a black cardigan. I have put a skinny belt over the cardigan just to draw attention to my waist.

Soo looking forward to getting my new phone

Its Friiidddaayyy!!!

Yes it is indeed Friday! Sadly, the weather today does not share my enthusiasm as to the fact that tonight will be the official start to the weekend. Ah well, whats a girl to do I suppose? I write today while eating a grape and apple pack from Tesco, which I picked up whilst on my way to work.

Today I have seen possibly the greatest fashion faux pas of the year so far! A man who gets on my bus, I see him daily. Normally he wears smart trousers, a shirt and a jacket. Pretty much as you would expect from a man on his way to work. He is slim and a little on the short side, so imagine my surprise, when today I saw him wearing a rather large fur hat! Its in the style of a trucker hat (with the hanging down sides) but completely fur! Well, I wanted to laugh, and take pictures but I had no camera ... I did laugh though!! Dont get me wrong I dont always get it right, but I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those hats!

This morning I have also thought about Rihanna (of course I speak of the singer). I love her, I love her songs and I think she is just gorgeous. Anyway, I was listening to her latest album this morning and thought to myself, just how different her music is now to when she first hit the music scene. Her voice, her lyrics, everything seems to have grown with her as she has developed from the girl we saw just a few a years ago to the superstar we see today.

Myself, I woke this morning trying to think of a way to make my morning go faster. Currently, I wake up at 5:50, have a shower, dry and style my hair, get dressed, collect my things and head out for the bus. This in total takes me 45 minutes. So I have been pondering ways to make things go faster. My initial thought was to arrange my clothes and my room in such a way that things are easier to get to, and second to pick out my clothes the night before and lay them out along with my makeup and hair things ready to go in the morning. Sadly I dont ever seem to have the time to do any of this so it seems it will get put on a back burner for the time being.

Now I guess I should focus on what the day has in store for me, and wonder what I shall be doing this weekend (if anything at all).

Thursday, 3 February 2011

New Look for the page

Well, as you can see I have a new look on the page now. I hope to be getting more and more on here filling it with my observations on the world around me, fashion, life, love and people.

I love to watch people going about their daily business. I like to try and think of where they may be going, who they are with, their relationships. Everything, my mind wanders.

What I wore today

Last night I bought the most amazing ankle booties. They are black wedges but have little studs on the wedge part! Wahaay!! A pair of shoes that fits perfectly to my personality and the style I wish to accomplish.

I see girls everyday wearing the most gorgeous clothes and try to take a lot of inspiration from them. A young girl I see quite often, wears the nicest hooded cape cardigan, I'm on the verge of asking her where she got it so I can go buy one too. Another girl I see wears vintage clothes and has gorgeous jet black betty paige style hair.

As much as I wish I could look like these girls the truth is, that I dont. I am not a petite size 10, nor do I have the right shape to pull off a hooded cape. So I must come up with things that I can wear to look individual and more like myself.

Sooo ... The boots today are on with leggings. I was trying to create a block so that the boots and my leggings would blend into one another. And I have put a floral tunic with it.

I really need ideas for tomorrow. I get to wear Jeans on a Friday so I think it will be a nice pair of skinny jeans to wear with them. Although thus far I am not sure.

Decisions decisions .......