I have no title for my blog today! Not good.

I cant understand why so many people keep telling me I'm beautiful. I'm not .... Although I am losing weight, yay. I'm on my way to being that size smaller for Download Festival in June. Fingers crossed I will be successful in getting to a nice size with beautiful curves and a pretty smile. I might be beautiful one day just I'm not yet.

I have been sticking to clothes that are comfortable of late. Corsets for rehearsal and gorgeous shoes! Beautiful wonderful Iron Fist shoes that I intend on wearing to perform in.

the new and improved me!



New stuff on Monday

Here, is my outfit from monday. Its mostly new. I had a splurge last week on payday, £50 purely on myself. I loved it.

Below you can see I have had my hair cut, I dyed it red and I had my lip pierced. I have taken to wearing flowers in my hair as it is spring and they look cute and girly.

This here is a guy I saw last night and then again this morning. I love his coat and felt compelled to go over and stroke it. If I see him again and he doesn't think I'm a total fruitloop I may go do it again! Woo!!

Tuesday afternoon in the office

Well I've been a little absent over the last week or so. I've been busy partying and enjoying the single life.

This weekend was one of my best this year. Started by going out and doing a little shopping on Thursday after work. Bought some new clothes and what not. Went out on Friday night with the girls. On Saturday though, I went to learn how to be a drag king. Spent the day dressed as a man with breasts bound and everything. I had my lip pierced and had a go at a fake tan. I then spent Sunday doing my hair, its been cut and coloured and looks rather nice if I do say so.

Last night I went to Efes in Manchester for an all you can eat buffet and a bit of entertainment. I had a lot of fun if I'm honest.

Bringing me swiftly to today.

I dubbed today "Wear your favourite outfit day". So thats what I have done. Although I've taken to wearing flowers in my hair, I do find my fave outfit something a bit more 'hard edge'. Will put piccies up for yesterdays outfit.

Too many tears

Well, it would seem that my relationship is drawing to a close. I was off work yesterday due to doctors appointments.

I had spent most of last week arguing with my partner, and all of Monday not speaking. We talked yesterday, spent ages on the phone talking about our relationship. We came to the conclusion that we have nothing in common anymore, we are always fighting and we never do anything together. It was decided that we would take a couple of days to think about things and see where we're both at by Friday. I cant see us staying together but I suppose it may happen. I cried while I was on the phone, I cried for about 40 minutes. Letting the tears fall down my face. I spent the night at my friends again.

I've shed far too many tears over that man. He's been a part of my life for so long that being without him, even the thought of being without him leaves me feeling like half a person. I feel empty and alone. Thats not to say I am alone. I have a constant stream of people telling me "Being single is great!", "Its not so bad" .... The thing is, what if it is so bad? What if I end up going my whole life without ever managing to keep a relationship together? What if I keep failing at love, what if it gives up on me .... Again??

See these are the questions that I ask myself. I dont know anymore if its because I'm scared of being alone forever that I want to be with him. That I feel compelled to make him stay with me, even when its clear we aren't happy. We haven't been happy in a long time, we're miserable him and I. I love him and at the same time I hate him so much for making me this - half woman. This thing that is only half the person I used to be.

Maybe it is time to say its finally over .... Just maybe.

Matte Nail Polish

I forgot to mention I have now got a lovely matte nail polish!

Its a deep blue that appears purple in the bottle. Bought from Avon for the bargain price of £3, I decided to give it a shot last night. I prepped my nails, getting the shape just right and applying a base coat. The colour went on a little uneven on the first nail, but after that it was smooth, even and perfect.

Heres a piccie of my efforts. I did smudge onto the skin just a little, but it was a little dark in my room when I started.

I'm so in love with this polish at the minute, shame it chipped away while I was in the bath ... No matter, I'll do it again and again and again :D

Finally over the weekend

Its Monday morning and I'm finally over my hangover! Only taken 3 days but I'm over it at long last.

The weekend proved to be one of interest, I saw Katie Price on Lets Dance for Comic Relief dressed as a man dressed as a woman ... Thats right, dancing "I've got to break free". It was amazing!!

I've found out that I can't eat anything that I like anymore. Caffeine makes me dizzy and lightheaded, chocolate hurts my teeth and foods with a high fat content gives me terrible belly ache. Its a wonderful life I tell you.

The good news is that my new camera takes brilliant pictures. I was using it on Friday and, after I figured out how to use it properly, it was fabulous!

Right, off to do some work now.

Saturday Afternoon and recovering

Its Saturday afternoon .... Last night well (eventually). I was so excited all day about going out, I spent ages getting ready and dressed up to be told when I arrived that I didn't look old enough! I'm 22!!!

However, I eventually managed to get in. Went home to retrieve my ID, quickly got changed and returned to the bar where my friends were waiting.

Just a couple of pictures from last night